Climate change is simply stuff’n’nonsense peddled by hippies to mask the real issue that they need to get a job and a haircut, the world climate summit in Paris has concluded today.
Representatives from over 200 countries, who had all flown to Paris by plane, are thought to have spent several minutes standing outside in their t-shirts before deciding it was freezing and thus the global catastrophe was over, if it had ever existed in the first place.
President of the UN climate conference of parties and French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius said: “We were just about to sign this massive agreement to cool down the earth by everyone driving their cars around with the windows open and the air conditioning on. But then we thought, what’s everyone moaning about? It’s hot in Africa and it rains in England. Well fuckadoodledoo.
“Even if it does get warmer it just means less people will put their heating on so it’ll get colder again.”
US President Barack Obama welcomed the conclusions calling them a victory for common sense “It’s a godsend to the outdoor heater industry. And we can go back to using loads of polythene bags again.” He explained.
British Green Party MP Caroline Lucas said she was glad the whole thing turned out to be bunkum as, being honest with herself, she had started getting bored with it.
“Finally this draws a line under it. Everyone can stop wittering on now.” She told us.