Fury as athletes on drugs should be running faster

Athletes on drugs should really be running at 40 mph and should be able to jump nearly as high as a house, according to a report by the International Olympic Committee.

Government deny strangling kittens whilst media focus on the Olympics

Prime Minister Theresa May has strenuously denied accusations that the cabinet have been strangling kittens whilst the media focus their attention on the Olympic games.

Olympic medals awarded to fat man as all athletes fail narcotics tests

All Olympic medals are set to be reallocated to a fat man following the news that all athletes have tested positive on a mass retest of samples from 1954 to the present day. A spokesman for the International Olympic Committee said “We have to give these medals to someone. And as it turns out all […]