“Corbyn is unelectable” warns actor who played Roland in Grange Hill

Erkan Mustafa who played Roland in early episodes of Grange Hill has today warned that Labour face annihilation under Jeremy Corbyn should Theresa May call a snap election.

Olympic medals awarded to fat man as all athletes fail narcotics tests

All Olympic medals are set to be reallocated to a fat man following the news that all athletes have tested positive on a mass retest of samples from 1954 to the present day. A spokesman for the International Olympic Committee said “We have to give these medals to someone. And as it turns out all […]

Grange Hill recruiting for Islamic State

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan and Home Secretary Theresa May are said to be at loggerheads this morning at news that former television soap school Grange Hill stands accused of overtly recruiting for extremest Islamic groups such as Al-Qaeda and Islamic State. One former Grange Hill viewer told us “The school hasn’t been on the television […]

David Cameron “We must hunt down and berate fat kids who are rubbish at sports”

In a move to end “non-competitive sports days” the Prime Minister today announced new measures to berate overweight pupils who come last in running races. Mr Cameron told News Toad this morning, “Under the labour government, nobody wanted to offend the fat kid who always comes last. Well we’re done with mollycoddling, and we’re going […]