David Cameron has today asked Nicola Sturgeon to “calm down dear” and not to get her knickers in a twist following demands for more fiscal powers for Scotland made by the SNP at a meeting held today.
According to sources present the Premier who earlier told reporters that he was off on a hot date with a feisty jock filly said “Look Nicola, I’m writing down all your demands. I know I haven’t actuallly got a pen in my hand but I’m miming writing down all your demands, and that’s even better. You’ll get lots of nice new shiny powers just as soon as I’ve finished doing all my grown up stuff.
“So don’t go getting yourself in a tizz.
“How about making us all a nice cup of tea.”
Speaking later on Andrew Neil’s political chat show ‘Afternoon bollocks’ the premier complained “It’s just like being at home with Sam on a bad day. I had to remind her we’re not actually married. Women eh?”
Speaking separately on the same show Nicola Sturgeon said “I reserve the right to change my demands on a daily basis. And he shouldn’t even have to ask me what they are. If he doesn’t know then there’s no point in having this conversation.”