UNITE back Ed Miliband as next Labour leader

Len McCluskey

UNITE leader Len McCluskey has told union members this morning that they’ll be backing Ed Miliband as new Labour party leader. A surprise for some who were expecting some sort of debate at the forthcoming July conference Mr McCluskey said “I’ve thought long and hard about this and we’re backing Ed all the way. And I’m afraid it’s not up for discussion. This isn’t a democracy and my decision is final.”

This will undoubtedly come as disappointing to other contenders who were expecting to compete for Len’s backing as Labour leader through a series of pointless tasks like on Alan Sugar’s the apprentice.

However Shadow Health Secretary Andy Burnham said that he did not see not being Ed Miliband as a barrier between himself and the labour leadership.

“I’m already prepared to jump on to whatever band wagon gets me to that top position. An if that means a bit of plastic surgery and changing my name to Ed Miliband then that’s what I’m willing to do.” He assured.

Former leadership favourite Chuka Umunna said that he had had to withdraw from the leadership battle after weeks of constant scrutiny from Mr McCluskey who had taken to following him around with a note book 24 hours a day.

“It was Len moving into my house and questioning the socialist ethics behind my choice of television viewing that did it for me. One night I cooked a paella and he made it quite clear that he was opposed to such centre ground middle class cuisine, He’d even wake me up at night to ensure that I was dreaming about the overthrow of our capitalist masters by the proletariat.”

Ed Miliband has gone on record to silence critics who say he might struggle with the position.

“Am I ready for the challenge? Hell yeah.” He told us.

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