Prime Minister David Cameron has become the envy of magic circle heavyweights such as Paul Daniels and David Copperfield after announcing to the British public “I the great Camerondo will magic a seven day a week NHS without paying for it!”
“And following that, for your delight and amazement I will recruit 500 extra GPs without putting any tangible measures in place to facilitate such an expansion to the profession.” he added.
One magic crircle insider who asked to remain anonymous confided “No-on knows how he does it, whether it is sleight of hand or some sort of genuine shamanic power but he is also apparently able to make nurses disappear.”
Indeed Mr Cameron wowed audiences at some of his previous performances by causing large groups of poor people to begin appearing at food banks, and miraculously making the tax man disappear just as he began to investigate certain large companies. Recently he confounded his critics by reducing the Lib Dems to the size of a mouse.
However the Premier has insisted that his magic powers are solely for the forces good.
“I get angry when people claim that I am trying to destroy the NHS by ripping the heart out of its funding and selling bits and pieces off to my rich chums. It’s all absolutely true but it makes me really angry. And now I’m going on to saw a woman in half. As soon as I’ve finished my magic show.” He explained.