Ashers bakery in Northern Ireland has been ordered by a judge to make a cake shaped like an enormous todger as part of a compensation package for its homophobic practices under the guise of religion.
The firm which offers ‘exclusively heterosexual and God fearing patisserie’ was found to have discriminated against a couple who may have been using one of their cakes to feed their guests at a same sex marriage.
A spokesman for the pressure group Christian Concern said “It’s all very irresponsible. God would have been so angry that he would have sent a plague of locusts who would have probably eaten all the flour meaning no cake for anybody.”
The judge said she accepted that Ashers has “genuine and deeply held” religious views, but said the business was not above the law. And for that reason the owners should now make recompense by constructing a penis shaped cake of gargantuan proportions, preferably in a state of arousal, and should then pose for selfies with it in a suggestive fashion.
The general manager of Ashers called the verdict ‘very disappointing’ and hit back at claims that the entire company who decorate pretty cakes as a vocation may be slightly in denial.
“It is possible to decorate cakes for a living and be homophobic. In any event it’s not gay people making cakes we’re protesting against, it’s gay people eating them. The book of Leviticus specifically warns against eating Battenburg in an effeminate manner.
“This is a personal affront to my rights to be bigoted under the guise of religion.” He explained.
The company only recently came under scrutiny for agreeing in good faith to bake a cake in the shape of a fanny but refusing to hand it over when they realised that the buyer was a lady dressed in dungarees.
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