Osborne “We can increase productivity if everyone wears a helmet”

osborne helmets

Britain is likely to increase productivity if everyone stands around wearing some sort of helmet and high visibility jacket, whether they have a job or not, according to Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne.

Himself wearing a safety helmet and proudly nowhere near the vicinity of any building site, the Chancellor took time out from pretending to look at some building plans to say “Look at me. I almost look like I’m working. If everyone dresses up like this foreign investors will realise we mean business.”

Speaking to a heaving press conference and denying that he was merely constructing an iconic mirage to give Daily Mail readers the illusion that he might actually be doing something constructive the Mr Osborne said “It’s all for the hard working families. Grandads, babies, the whole lot of them, all working hard. Particularly ones who wear helmets. And stand around in high visibility jackets, wistfully looking at plans for some project or other.”

“We’re going to get Britain working. Well what I would imagine people do when they go to work anyway” He said.


  1. As opposed to just looking like a total helmet, like George

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