David Cameron has warned the electorate in no uncertain terms that a vote for Labour on May 7th will mean bacon sandwiches without any bacon in them, probably eggs and bacon without the bacon either, as Labour would most likely ban bacon the moment that they got into power.
Speaking to Andrew Neil the Premier said a vote for Labour would mean hard working families being unable to start or finish their shit working day with streaky bacon, back bacon or lardons whilst at the same time immigrants and benefit claimants would be living the life of riley. Probably eating bacon.
“They haven’t really said how they’re going to cut the deficit, and there’s probably a good reason for that. You can’t trust them and you have to read between the lines. They’re going to ban bacon.
“Now Ed Miliband might fool you into voting for him through promises of higher taxes for the super rich or a better funded NHS, but hello. Bacon.”
UKIP leader Nigel Farage said that only a vote for him would ensure the safety of a variety of salted pork. “No-one’s going to shed a tear if we get rid of pancetta or prosciutto. But proper Danish bacon like they have in Margate will be staying right here where it belongs.”
Labour have denied any immediate plans to restrict consumption of cured meat products.