Conservatives sign letter supporting themselves

More than 100 conservatives have declared support for a conservative-led government in a letter published in the Daily Telegraph.

The signatories who include conservatives and rich people who vote for or donate to the conservative party have come together to add themselves to a list in a Conservative newspaper.

One conservative said “100 is a huge amount of people. You could have 100 people in a room and you just wouldn’t be able to count them. Not if they were all moving around anyway.This is clearly a vote of confidence for us.”

One other conservative warned the electorate of disenfranchising conservatives by not voting conservative in the General Election on May 7th. “If we don’t vote for conservatives then the conservatives will leave the country en masse. And then there won’t be any conservatives because they’ll probably all have left on a golden boat bound for wealthy island.”

Tory party donor and wealthy businessman Duncan Bannatyne said that the fact that he himself had signed the letter should be the only reason Britain needed to support a conservative only government.

“If you don’t vote conservative then you won’t be able to support an unequal system that enables people like me to sit there being wealthy and pouring scorn on you and your shit lives. I haven’t struggled at all during the last five years. And that’s why you should listen to me.”

One Telegraph reader told us “It’s one in the eye for the lefties.”