One Direction “may have joined Isis”

The band One Direction may have joined Islamic extremist group ISIS according to unofficial reports released today.

The band have been under suspicion for some time for their frequent air travel. A Home Office spokesman told us “People don’t usually travel straight to Syria. They usually dart around different countries first, sometimes only staying a night in each place. And we’ve been tracking One Direction and the pattern of their travel is very similar, having not flown straight to Syria either.”

Indeed ISIS themselves have released a video of some men who may well, but might not be in the band One Direction, being initiated into the Islamic militant group. Fans of the band or “directioners” may be disappointed to find that none of the men in the footage are singing any songs or dancing.

The video footage may be a little ambiguous as the band are now sporting beards and hats but a spokesman for their fan club told us “Anyone who is a true fan can tell it’s almost definitely them. I wouldn’t ever mistake Harry Styles so he must be the one whose face is covered because the other ones aren’t him. I don’t know whether they’ll still be allowed to do their upcoming tour of Australia. Officially it might be against the rules but it’s One Direction so they’ve got to still let them. They’ve just got to.”

Rumours of a mass ISIS initiation from within the show business world have been compounded by reports of Taylor Swift wearing a full  Burka. “She certainly looked like Taylor Swift would look if she was wearing a full burka. And she didn’t say she wasn’t.”