The Times have awarded their esteemed title of Briton of the year to an overweight racist lady shopping in her pyjamas accompanied by a pit bull terrier. On hearing the news and finding out it wouldn’t affect her benefits Tracy Garlic from Buckland in Portsmouth was said to be absolutely delighted that the award had come to her rather than ‘one of them’.
A spokesman for the Murdochian faux independent goose stepping broadsheet told us “We thought rather than award it to someone who had performed hours of tireless charity work or someone who had invented something useful it would be best to award it to someone who tells it like it is. Preferably someone who says they’re not being racist before telling it like it is, which invariably involves being racist.
“In such politically tempestuous times we found it refreshing to find someone who rather than base her views on any evidence based analysis would embrace any knee jerk rumours and reactions, masterfully using them as not only a cover but as an alleged cause of her own failings.”
The award has been widely predicted in media circles since media mogul and Times owner Rupert Murdoch took an interest in Ms Garlic. A source from News Corp told us “They have quite a lot in common. She goes out shopping in her pyjamas and he sits at home in his pyjamas whilst someone goes shopping for him.”
Ms Garlic told us her colourful terminology for first, second and third generation immigrants did not make her a racialist.
“I’m not being funny but they get everything and we get nothing.” She told us.
News Toad 
Mr Murdock’s empire is reliant on the likes of Ms Garlic who’s probably has the largest flat screen tv anyone can get watching Sky all day eating fish n chips out of the Sun newspaper,