Brexiters celebrate British independence by dousing chickens in toilet duck

Brexit supporters throughout the country have been celebrating British Independence by dousing their chickens in toilet duck, thought to be a prerequisite of any trade deal with America. 

Trump to impose travel ban on short people

US president Donald Trump is to impose a ban on short people entering the country unless they have bona fide business there.

Get angry with people on the telly say austerity-mongering millionaire Tory MPs

Multi-millionaire Tory MPs, who claim expenses for second homes, have urged the public to get angry with people on TV.

Paul Golding announced as new Doctor Who

Britain First leader Paul Golding has confirmed that he will be making his acting debut later this year having been offered the role of Doctor Who.

Britain First to boycott Wimbledon following decision to sell Halal strawberries

Britain First leader Paul Golding has confirmed that he will boycott Wimbledon this year following the competition’s decision to sell only Halal strawberries.

Swivel-eyed loons bribe God-bothering homophobes to form isolationist government

Austerity-fetishist food bank deniers the conservative party have given some homophobic God-botherers a billion pounds or two to agree with them for four years as Britain makes preparations to unnecessarily withdraw from the worlds biggest single market.

Theresa May to headline Glastonbury on Sunday

Theresa May is to address Glastonbury revellers at the Pyramid stage on Sunday evening following Jeremy Corbyn’s talk today.

Sweep to be offered job of King if Royals don’t want it

British household favourite Sweep is thought to be the bookies’ favourite to become King of England, should rumours be correct that no actual Royals wish to do it.

May to deny evolution in return for DUP support of hard Brexit

The world is 4000 years old and the human race started with one white couple in Africa, an apple and a snake, the Prime Minister has confirmed following this morning’s meeting with the DUP.

Trump administration urges Britons to use shorter sentences on state visit

A spokesman for the White House has confirmed that they have asked all UK citizens to speak in very short sentences ahead of President Trump’s state visit to Britain in October.