Weak and pissy lager in weaker and pissier than advertised shocker

Weak and pissy lager giant Carling has apologised following revelations that their weak and pissy lager is actually weaker and pissier than advertised, shocking all but people who have ever tried it.

Trump “Sunny days to blame for devastation too”

Nice weather and sunny days must take their share of the blame for devastation across America caused by “many types of weather” according to US president Donald Trump.

Brexiters celebrate by buying one beer between them in Spain

Some Brexiters on holiday in Spain have celebrated getting their country back by clubbing together for a glass of beer and four straws it has emerged today.

Isle of Wight residents boycott Asda after new bags read “Isle of Shite”

Isle of Wight residents are threatening to boycott the new Asda superstore after their new bags for life were found to read “Isle of Shite”.

Hawking blames fault in voice simulator as Health secretary called Jeremy Cunt

Professor Stephen Hawking has blamed a fault in the software on his voice simulator after he appeared to refer to the Secretary of State for Health as Jeremy Cunt.

“Many people have impurities in their arses” David Wolfe warns

Much of the western world is suffering with impurities in their arses, caused by modern living and conventional science, according to alternative medicine advocate David Wolfe.

Trump threatens North Korea with Fire and Phooey

China has appealed for calm this morning as US President Donald Trump has threatened to match any North Korean aggression with fire and Hong Kong Phooey.

Man sacked following revelations he never attended the school of hard knocks

A man has been sacked with immediate effect following the discovery that he never actually attended the University of life or the school of hard knocks as claimed in his interview.

Overweight maniacal despot with nuclear weapons threatens Kim Jong-Un

North Korean President Kim Jong-un has appealed for United Nations support in dealing with a rogue overweight despot who terrifyingly now has access to nuclear weapons. 

Butchers prepare for busiest day of the year as vegans take day off

Butchers are preparing for their busiest trading day outside Christmas as vegans throughout Britain approach their annual day off this week.