Paultons Park to admit only blonde haired blue eyed children

Paulton’s park are to restrict access to children with blonde hair, blue eyes and high cheekbones accompanied by parents of a similar appearance unless they’re a foreign nanny.-

A spokesman for the park said “We recently banned the Rotary club for organising a day out for disabled children at out park following complaints from parents of children who didn’t have a disability. It then occurred to us that we have been letting in foreigners, single parent families and vegetarians in willy nilly.

“We’re not being prejudiced in any way. We simply want our visitors to enjoy the rides and overpriced food and drink in an atmosphere of Aryan purity.”

However the park have denied reports of overzealous security checks on entrance.

“If they’re blonde haired and blue eyed they’ll breeze straight in as long as they are not disabled in any way or have a speech impediment.” We were told.

The park have also argued that the recent restrictions on entrance are only part of an existing ethos of Brexit fuelled populism and isolationism. Indeed the inclusion of Peppa Pig world at the park is thought to demonstrate to influential youth the future of humanity should the diseases of diversity and inclusion eat away at the fabric of society.

The move has had the full support of Prime Minister Theresa May who has consistently championed cuts in disability benefits. “We can’t just cut disabled people’s income and have the bloody Rotary club organising days out for them. What message does that give to the sort of people that vote for us? I’d like to congratulate Paultons park and sincerely hope they find new ways to discriminate against people. We need a strong and stable theme park that’s not afraid to make difficult decisions.”