People of Kingston begin long process of eating ‘Fatberg’

People of Kingston in Surrey are tonight beginning the laborious process of tucking into the largest ‘Fatberg’ in recent history after local authorities have decided that they caused it so should be made to eat it.

A spokesman for Kingston Council told us “It’s their own fault. We keep telling our residents not to empty their deep fat fryers into the bog but they just don’t listen. Now we’ve ended up pulling a lump of rancid fat the size of an Eddie Stobart lorry out of the sewer. We can’t just flush it back down the loo as that would block up the pipes and cause a poonami, so there’s only one option. They’re going to have to put on their napkins and munch their way through the whole lot.”

Already widely being referred to in the media as the ‘Kingston supper’ the public consumption of the fatberg is expected to take up to a week as residents will be power eating round the clock in 8 hour shifts. Participants will be encouraged to take a trowel full away with them just in case they wake up in the night wanting a tasty snack.

“It’s not so bad,” one resident told us, “each mouthful tastes like a different local takeaway so it’s really like a gastronomic trip around the world. With a cheeky garnish of wet wipes and an aroma of underpants. It’s quite versatile as well. If I put chocolate sprinkles on it I can pretend its a shitty tiramisu.”