McCartney apologises for Pipes of Peace

paul McCartney pipes of peaceCampaigners are said to be delighted today as after 31 years of failing to show any remorse  Paul McCartney has apologised for inflicting the song and video Pipes of Peace on an unsuspecting and largely trusting public.

Whilst still largely unrepentant for the song’s original impact in the early 1980s the former Beatles front man said he had expected the whole sorry nonsense to be forgotten by the following year.

“I just wanted to wind people up with my incessant tweeness in 1983. If I’d thought for a moment that people working in retail would still have to be listening to it several times a day from October to January I never would have released it in a million years. Those poor people. I just didn’t think of the consequences of my actions.”

One campaigner told us “We’ll never know what the fuck he was thinking when he wrote it but at last he’s at least accepted that he’s done wrong. How can anyone in today’s society think that it’s ok for retail workers to have to stand there day after day with Plaaaay the Pipes of peeeaaacce! Plaaaay the Pipes of peeeeeeeeeaaaaace! blaring out again and again?”

The apology comes as a video has gone viral of a BHS employee completely losing his temper, foaming at the mouth and  forcing customers to eat ‘gift ideas’ having heard pipes of peace through the work tannoy one too many times. A spokesman for BHS said “This is an isolated incident and the member of staff involved has been given ear protection.”

The song of course is not without its historical significance, as one historian explained.

“100 years ago on Christmas day, British and German soldiers stopped fighting and exchanged gifts and played football. Safe in the knowledge that Paul McCartney wasn’t born yet and wasn’t going to start singing Pipes of Peace. Lucky bastards.”

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