UKIP to turn Thanet into an “All inclusive”

UKIP have vowed that if they get into power they will turn the entire Island of Thanet into an all inclusive resort where where everyone pays in advance and gets served up regular meals of sausage and mash, chicken and chips and watered down beer.

UKIP leader and parliamentary candidate for Thanet Nigel Farage said “It’ll get rid of the all the foreign restaurants for a start. If you have economy hot dogs in a limp white bap on tap, why would you pay for anything else. It’s our way of saying to Johnny Foreigner, you can take your diverse cuisine and stick it where the sun don’t shine.  We demand our blandness, and guess what, we’ve paid for it.”

Mr Farage assured would be UKIP voters that an all inclusive Thanet would be laying on nightly entertainment too, with no need for residents and visitors to go out and broaden their cultural horizons.

“With Chas ‘n’ Dave playing every night for free it’ll mean no-one pays to see any of that rap music or bhangra, or Frenchmen in stripy jumpers playing the accordion.”

One excited Margate resident told us “You normally have to go abroad for all this. Thanet is going to be the best place ever!”