“Three person babies will projectile vomit while their heads spin round” warns church

three person child

Babies created from three people will have spinning round heads, a tendency to projectile vomit and an absolutely filthy vocabulary according to a spokesman for the Church of England

The Reverend Brendan McCarthy, C of E adviser on medical ethics, said of  the process: “We are concerned that this is being thought of as an option without examining all the evidence. We don’t mean the factual scientific evidence, we mean misquoted parts of a two thousand year old book that also argues against gays and shellfish.”

“And also the fact that the babies will be born with horses’ hooves and float above the ground, and the only way to bring them down will be by splashing them with holy water.

“And the people shalt smite and gnash their teeth in woe. For it has been written. Well nearly. I’m writing it at the moment.

“For the Lord is so big and beardy that a tiny bit of DNA brought from a third person makes him truly wrathful even if it does serve to eradicate fatal mitochondrial diseases.”

However a spokesman from the scientific community said that if a baby was born with horses’ hooves it would be a deliberate scientific action rather than accidentally engendering the spawn of Beelzebub.

“The moment we get this legislation past we can start splicing in the the genes of dolphins and baboons and turn Britain into the Isle of Doctor Moreaux. Nice try church.” He explained.


  1. Listening to religious professionals for their opinions on genetics is like listening to a UKIP politician for their opinion on migration in Australia- it’s a topic they are naturally biased against yet know nothing about. Being anti this treatment naturally makes them pro disease

  2. lol

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