Mayans warn “Last chance to buy end of the world proof pants”

Mayans have warned the Earth’s entire population that if they want to avoid certain destruction as a result of the end of the world then they should act fast to purchase their special ‘End of the world proof underpants’.

President of the Bromley branch of the British Mayans association Dave Smith told us “It’s a scary time, what with the world ending tomorrow and all that, but we’ll be quite safe as we’ll be wearing special pants, blessed by Mayan Gods which will keep the wearer quite safe in the event of armageddon. And if they don’t we’ll give you your money back. So you know your three hundred quid is well spent.”

For members of the public who are unable to afford £300 at this stage, all is not doom and gloom. “Obviously to be guaranteed immunity from rapture, you really need to have proper Mayan end of the world proof underpants but for a mere £115 you can have your existing pants ‘blessed’ by a Mayan priest such as myself and that will give you a 50/50 chance.”

However the Metropolitan Police have issued a warning that members of the public should be very careful before parting with any cash. A spokesman told us “We have received reports of a local man giving people wedgies and charging them £130 for doing so. We advise all people in the Bromley area to keep in groups and where possible take a taxi.”

Ben Goldacre, author of ‘Bad Science’ told us “There is no evidence that underpants are any more effective than socks or vests in thwarting the ultimate demise of life as we know it. In order to properly assess the efficacy of some claims we need to get 10 people with special pants and another 10 with special vests and blow them all up. Only then can we be 100% sure”