Next pope “may have to be a dalek”

The next pope may well have to be a dalek, according to an outspoken Vatican source, in what is seen as one of the most dramatic breaks from ecumenical convention since the 12th Century when the papacy was briefly awarded to an elk.

Speaking at a press conference this morning, Vatican Head of Communications Cardinal Smooth told an attentive audience that a no nonsense pope would be needed to bring the Catholic Church into the 21st Century. “We’ve been thinking of offering the role to a dalek for some time. They take a very tough line on dissent and we really need someone that will keep our house in order. I’ve just spent a wonderful afternoon with one. His catchphrase is ‘EXCOMMUNICATE’ and he’s just destroyed a condom factory. The fact that he’s hell bent on destroying mankind can be fully offset by the fact that we’re never going to have any problems with sex scandals, as daleks don’t have sex. I don’t think they do anyway. Crikey I hope they don’t.”

Cardinal Smooth has been no stranger to controversy in the past. Only last year he sparked a hotbed of passionate debate for suggesting that the former Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams be replaced.  With a dalek.