Chelsea football club are to require all fans to attend equality workshops of the type usually arranged for public sector workers and run by someone called Ros according to a statement released today.
The newly appointed Director of PC also called Ros told us “We’d like football to be a pillar of political correctness starting with Chelsea. So before each match starts instead of drinking lager we’re going to split everyone into sub-groups sit around flip-charts and engage in a process we’ll be calling storming and norming. After the match we can all run around chanting politically correct non-violent slogans.
“And it’s important for everyone to realise that it’s only a game and it doesn’t matter who wins or loses. Because we’re all winners.”
One fan who had already attended some sessions told us that he already felt more non-judgmental and ideologically drawn to equal opportunities. “I’ve been loving PC Chelsea FC. We’ve all been holding hands and singing ‘I am the people of the world’ like in that 1980s coke advert. I like coke.”
The news comes hot on the heels of a recent incident in Paris where Chelsea fans sung racist songs and then threw themselves off a train upon suddenly realising that they themselves were the foreigners.
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