Immune system under threat unless you eat stupid yoghurts

probiotic fucking yoghursts

Advertisers have warned that the British public run the risk of having no immune systems left by 2018 unless they start eating yoghurts, but not the normal type that come in black cherry or peach melba, but the special type that have germs in.

A man in a white coat in what looked vaguely like a laboratory said “Colds, flu, asthma and herpes are all caused by bad bacteria that are shit scared of good bacteria. Unless you eat a stupid little pot of bio pro friendly bacteria your bodies will fall foul of every disease known to man.”

A woman sitting cross legged with a superimposed backdrop of sunshine and cornfields added “Don’t forget you can’t just eat the stuff. It only works if  you prance around smugly in yoga pants pretending to meditate.”

However scientists have warned that should we as a society become dependent on pro-biotic yoghurts they may cease to be as effective. Unless new flavours of yoghurt containing bacteria or viruses become available in different designs of stupid little pots we may see a return to the 1970s when yoghurts were just something you had as a desert after a bland meal.

Professor Brian Cox explained “Sadly in the 1970s there was only Ski yoghurts in 4 flavours. And you couldn’t get them individually, you had to buy them in variety packs of four. That’s why no-one survived beyond middle age.”

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