Prime Minister David Cameron has been told he may have actually missed the boat in terms of appearing in the forthcoming televised election debates, after finding his assigned podium had apparently been hijacked by rapper Mr Ice Cube who, without warning, stood on it this morning and has showed no signs of moving, even when asked nicely.
Despite the planned debates still not due to commence for a number of weeks, no cameras being in operation on the set and Mr Cube himself being neither part of a political party nor eligible to vote in Britain, the rapper has already started with numerous verbal criticisms of the main parties and is said to be several points ahead in the polls.
Accusing the main parties of fucking with him because he’s a teenager with a little bit of gold and a pager, the rapper immediately instructed Lib Dem Leader Nick Clegg, who had also arrived a few weeks early to change into something more comfortable, to go and wait in his car.
“Miliband? Milibitch! And that Nigel mother fucking Farage better chiggety check himself” he warned.
One observer said “You just know he’s going to be tough on the deficit. He’ll probably choose to cut the police budget what with it being his least favourite publicly funded service.”
Nick Clegg has refused to rule out forming some sort of coalition should the 1990s sweary wordsmith find himself in a position of power. “I agree with Mr Cube. He’s going to need someone to go into coalition with. And that’ll be me. Please.”
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