Once again the Christmas season has surprised many who thought the hunting ban would mean an end to Boxing Day and New Years Day hunts. Strangely throughout the country people in red jackets have been spotted in large groups with horses and dogs, seemingly with the intention of hunting a fox. But in fact all is not as it would seem as these apparently privileged people are exploiting a loop hole whereby ‘hunting with the intention of killing’ a fox is highly illegal but ‘stalking with the intention of bumming’ a fox is strangely not mentioned in the statute.
The loophole quite clearly states that chasing foxes with a mind to sexual satisfaction is allowed as long as the ‘Benny Hill’ theme tune music is audible at all times.
One such randy toff is none other than UKIP leader Nigel Farage who took time away from his stalking to speak to us. “I’ve always had a soft spot for stalking foxes, sexually or otherwise. If you sing my name loudly ‘Farage!’ it sounds like a bugle and in any event, people quite often mistake me for one of the beagles. But it’s not all one sided though. You must have seen the way that they walk around at night, waving their big bushy tails all over the place, clearly asking for it. Any man that tells me they haven’t watched an old episodes of Basil Brush with their trousers round their ankles is a bloody liar.”
Shadow Chancellor Eddie Balls told us that the activities were probably not illegal as long as entirely consensual on both sides “Upper class human/animal breeding is not a new thing, and is likely to be the reason that so many of them look like horses.”
We asked NRA President Wayne LaPierre whether he felt the situation would be improved by arming everyone including the hunters, the protesters, the politicians and the foxes. He confirmed to us that it would.
News Toad 
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