The BBC has been thrown into turmoil once again after the arrest of Jim Davidson for sexual offences which has regrettably halted filming of a new series of Jim’ll Fix It. BBC Director General Tony Hall is reportedly furious and under no illusion that he must find a new Jim by the end of the week if he doesn’t want to share the same fate as former Director General George Entwistle.
Speaking at a press conference Mr Hall told us “I’ve had to promise Chris Patten that we’ll have a new series of Jim’ll Fix It sorted by the summer, or the public just won’t trust us anymore. Everybody likes Jim’ll Fix It, but we can’t have rampant sexual predators called Jim making peoples’ dreams come true. Leaving aside the wife beating and racism Jim Davidson seemed the perfect choice. I’ve already had to discount Jimmy Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Jim the Wonderdog for being dead, and we’ve asked Jimmy Nail, but he’s too busy working on German building sites in the eighties. So we’re really down to Jimmy Tarbuck, Jimmy Hill or Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. Unless there are any other non-sex offenderish Jims out there who would like the job. The money’s great and there are members of the public who who need things fixed for them sharpish.”
One such member of the public Bert Onions, aged 71, has been told he will be on the show but is still in the dark as to which Jim will grant his special wish. “It might be Osmond, it might be Carrey, or it could be another Jim altogether. Ultimately as long as they grant my wish to spend an entire weekend snorting cocaine in a brothel I don’t mind.”
Tony Hall has assured Mr Onions and other prospective guests that they will all have their wishes granted by some Jim or other. “And when we finally decide on the right Jim, we’ll make sure he doesn’t molest anyone by castrating him.” He told us.
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