Government announces pretend crack down on corporate tax avoidance

Following the news that Google have paid virtually no tax in Britain due to knowing a bloke in Ireland, the Prime Minister David Cameron and Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne have also announced that something or other may well change in the near future, possibly with regards to corporate tax law. The subject is also expected to top the agenda at an EU meeting  tomorrow as long as nobody forgets to bring it up.

The move comes several months after ‘Coffee style drinks’ merchants Starbucks agreed to make a one off voluntary ‘good will’ payment to HMRC. Even though they didn’t actually pay it, Google and others are sought to be under pressure to at least pretend to follow suit.

“There are some companies” Mr Cameron explained at a press conference this morning “that may not be paying some tax when they might be morally obliged to. Now we’re not going to name these companies, even to each other. And we’re not going to speak to them either. But you can rest assured we’re going to make all the right noises until the whole thing blows over.”

Mr Osborne added “We’ve cut funding for HMRC drastically since we came into power, but now we’re going to put a token amount of cash back in again. If your corporation is avoiding tax in Britain, rest assured we will be coming after you. Like a complacent overweight toothless sheep recovering from a general anaesthetic. Furthermore if they still won’t pay, then we’re just going to have to take it out of the welfare budget. In fact we’re going to take it out of the welfare budget even if they do pay.”

Mr Osborne continued “Anyone in doubt as to whether we’ll really going to crack down on our rich friends in multi-national corporations then just look at me. Look at my face. It’s my cracking down on things face. And I’ve got a ginger haired Lib Dem standing next to me so that proves it. And if you still don’t believe me, I’ll do a lie detector test. A metaphorical one anyway.”

“Did they buy that?” He asked us off the record.

A spokeman for Google has pointed out that the internet giant operates fully within the law. “We would say to the British public who feel we are not contributing, whenever you look up something rude on the internet we keep a note of it. And that’s our tax. I think you’ll find we don’t owe anything after all.”