MPs are taking monetary payments in order to break wind in parliament on request from lobbyists according to new information released this morning.
The practice has come to light after undercover reporters from TVs Panoranorama posed as lobbyists representing a group of businesses with interests in anal emissions. Conservative MP Mr Patrick Mercer was approached and asked whether he would be willing to ‘tread on a duck’ during a parliamentary session in return for fiscal reward. Shocking footage shows the MP boasting that for the right price he could use his arse to make noises like a baby seal calling to its mother.
“I don’t actually charge that much to let one off in a parliamentary session. If it is a little parp during a select committee meeting that will cost £500. However should you like me to fart loudly, follow through and then loudly award myself a mark out of ten during prime ministers question time, well put it this way, you’ll need to take a significant chunk off my mortgage.”
The problem is seen as endemic and sometimes a parliamentary debate can sound like a brass band tuning up. One notorious session was so noisy it prompted the Speaker of the House of Commons to utter the now famous phrase “If the Right Honourable member does not desist I will be over there with a cork which I will have no hesitation in utilising.”
Mr Mercer has assured his innocence in the matter though was last seen spoiling a false moustache and heading for the Dover-Calais ferry.
News Toad 
Lulz!