Rolling Stones to play ‘pay per word’ gig at Glastonbury

Micky Jagger

The Rolling Stones have denied that money is a factor as they perform Glastonbury’s first supplementary payment gig on a pay per word basis.

Stones frontman and lip contortionist Micky Jagger told us “We’re sick of people thinking they can just pay £240 and hear all the music for free. Similarly how dare people pay £150 for a TV license and expect to watch the gig on television. They’re all hippies and they’re going to have to cough up. People might think that we’re rich already but we need the money to buy another private island. Shaped like a giant bollock.”

Michael Eavis has assured both festival goers and those who were hoping to watch the gig on television that this new way of hearing the Rolling Stones would not greatly change the overall experience.  “It’s all well organised. Mick sings a word, then a team of people go round with card machines and take payment from everyone that wants to hear the next word. Once all those who haven’t paid have been removed from the main arena and forcibly placed by the David Icke stage, and the fee with the BBC has been renegotiated, Mick will then sing the next word in the song.”

A recent trial of pay per word in the United States by the Black Eyed Peas was reportedly successful though ther was some criticism that it took the band over 5 hours to perform ‘My lovely lady lumps’ due to a shortage of credit card machines and poor internet access. However Michael Eavis is confident that the spirit of the festival will be high enough to counter any teething problems.

“The audience won’t care. They’ll all be ripped to the tits on wooshty wooshties” he explained.


  1. heenan73 says:

    Back in the 60s it was “Pay Per Snarl” – after seeing the ever-smiling Fab Four from Liverpool, I thought it was going to be a doddle – cost me £673 for a 70 minute Stones concert – and that was 1964 money. You could buy it yacht with it back then. Probably.

  2. I wouldn’t put it past them. Was watching an old Simpsons from the nineties the other day,the one where it flashed forward to Lisa at Collage. She had a poster on her wall saying ‘Rolling Stones Golden Wheelchair Tour 2011’.

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