Benefit claimants must ‘ride on a lion’ warns Iain Duncan Smith

ride a lion

Britain will not give EU immigrants any more benefits unless they are prepared to ride around on the back of a lion, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has warned, after Brussels launched legal action to get him to relax the rules.

As part of a new chapter in ‘Compassionate Conservatism’, the Government is seeking to change the mindset of both British and immigrant  benefit claimants, and feels a tough course of action is essential for both. In moves to radically improve self esteem and employability, each claimant will be required to teach themselves to ride an adult lion in order for their benefits to continue. Regents Park it seems will be turned into a lion enclosure and each claimant will be required to climb in and ride around on a lion for 15 minutes.

A  beaming Mr Duncan Smith told us that he felt this could be the turning point in a something for nothing culture. “Imagine the transformation for these people. One day they’re out in their front gardens, unshaven, wearing string vests and standing next to broken washing machines, and the next day, riding off into the sunset on a lion with their heads held high!”

“It’ll look great on the CV as well” he added.

There is however far more to the new legislation, as Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne  was quick to point out. “In order to receive housing benefit” he explained, “claimants will also be required to measure a bear. We will of course provide a tape measure, and a bear, all we need to know is how long it is. It’s not too much to ask!”

Both lion and bear farmers across Britain have welcomed the legislation as a much needed boost to the industry.

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