Tube strike in jeopardy as drunk commuters vow to drive trains themselves

tube strike

The first of two 48-hour strikes on the Tube is already being branded a failure as many passengers ruminating on the day’s events in the pub, have vowed that in absence of a driver tomorrow, they will step up and drive the trains themselves.

This latest movement for commuter led direct action appears to be based in Grosvenors pub in Pimlico where many volunteer drivers plan to have a bottle or two of vintage claret to calm the nerves before starting their unofficial shifts. One drinker told us  “I spend a bloody long day selling people the concept of a virtual bond whilst betting against them actually buying it whilst saying yah to people and hanging up the phone before actually finishing any conversation. So I’m damned and buggered if if I can’t drive a tube train. I might just need a bit of dutch courage. Gotta go. Japan’s woken up.”

Another added “We’re going to drive trains and get munted like chimps until we make Britain great again. We did it in 1918. We did it in 1945. And we did it in 1966. Yer farckers.”

Phil Hufton, Chief Operating Officer, said “We would not normally allow random inebriated  members of the public to drive our trains about like that but in the event of a strike it’s all hands to the pump. We would ask that all would be drivers keep the drinking down to something resembling moderation. Obviously there’s no actual steering involved on a train but more than say 6 or 7  pints and people might forget to stop at stations.”

Mayor of London Boris Johnson is said to be joining the list of volunteers himself and was already beginning to get squiffy when we spoke to him.”To be honest it’s a childhood dream and I’ve just ordered myself a Gucci train drivers hat. So I’ll be bloody pissed off if they end the strike now” he explained.


  1. Might think about having a higher skilled job before striking.

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