The Prince of Wales has met residents and farmers in the flood-hit Somerset Levels to offer his congratulations on what is probably the biggest open air lido in the world, apart from some of the Great Lakes and the sea.
Declaring the lido open and cutting some tape with a pair of scissors the Monarchic number two explained “It’s going to put Somerset on the map. Up until now people have only come here to see the Wurzels in concert or just to drive through on their way to Devon. Admittedly thousands of hectares of farm land remain under water in the area, where whole villages have been cut off for weeks. But they’ll love it in the summer when when it’s all on their doorstep and they’re entitled to a free early bird swim. It’ll be wonderful to see their little faces light up.”
Environment Agency chairman Lord Smith has wished the people of Somerset all the best with their new venture. ”Our top priority is making sure that we save human lives, particularly mine. And that’s why I’m staying indoors in London until the weather gets better. I might come to Somerset and have a swim when it gets warmer though.”
Not all Somerset residents appear over the moon regarding the giant aqua park. Environment Secretary Owen Paterson was recently harangued by some residents regarding the apparent ‘Third World’ conditions they were living in.
But as the popular man of the people explained “Who in the third world get’s to wake up and dive straight from their bedroom window into their own gigantic luscious open air swimming pool? Some lucky residents need not even leave their houses to have a splash about. And we’re going to really give it that swimming pool feel by employing people to sit on high stools randomly blowing whistles at people. And getting machines that serve shit oxtail soup in polystyrene cups. The lucky bastards.”
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