Former Smiths front man Morrissey has sent out a heartfelt plea to Britains pubs and restaurants to not ruin what would otherwise be a nice family lunch out, by overcooking all meat at their special fathers day Sunday carveries to the extent that people might just as well have stayed at home and cooked the bastard thing themselves.
“As I don’t agree with the cooking and eating meat at all, it stands to reason that I prefer rare roast beef as it is cooked less and is thus less cruel. But having said that if I was to go out for a roast and they’d overdone it anyway then I would be even more miserable and it would give me material for a new song. So it would be quite good actually.” he explained.
Despite the singers warnings, pubs and restaurants throughout Britain have already begun cooking beef for fathers day lunches in order to ensure that it closely resembles a 1970s school dinner and no pink whatsoever remains.
A spokesman for the National Association of Lame Roast dinners at disappointing prices told us “This is the second biggest day in the calender of serving up a pile of ill thought out, overdone shit, after Mothers day. We know many people would rather have beef that’s pink in the middle, particularly many fathers on their special day but this is Britain and they can’t.”
We spoke to one customer Bert Onions, who told us that he would be searching for a hostelry that served its beef just a little pink in the middle. “I like to find a pub or restaurant where they serve medium rare succulent roast beef and then loudly accuse them of poisoning me, threatening to go to the newspapers. They soon change it to well done after that. It’s a shame because I rather like rare beef.” he told us.
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