Britain under threat from fundamentalist caravan owners


Home Secretary Theresa May and the Minister for some Shit in a Field Owen Paterson are both said to be blaming each other today as the news broke of a leaked memo warning the Government of hard line caravanning extremists.

A Government source told us “People just think they’ve always been there, but they don’t realise that now the recently retired are able to cash their pensions in one go, the amount of caravan owners has actually increased by 1750% in the last year alone. Many of these people have kept to unmonitored pockets of the country such as Dorset and Great Yarmouth where they’ve been allowed to run amok normalising and reinforcing  each others’ extreme ideals no matter how far fetched and carravanny.”

“Within their circles they then meet charismatic individuals who share their passion for driving at 40mph in the middle lane on motorways, making tea with UHT milk and watching Britains Got Talent and the Antiques Roadshow on tiny little televisions. Unfortunately these new friends turn out to be preachers of hate who detest any lifestyle not involving towing a metal box with a bed and gas oven in it to various British seaside destinations at week-ends.

“We desperately need to open up some sort of dialogue but it’s impossible because they won’t compromise. They’ll only talk about caravanning. Sadly MI6 agents who we’ve sent to infiltrate their ranks appear to have gone native.”

Neither seen as part of the camping community or people who would rent a chalet, caravan people have been widely marginalised and alienated leading many to seek only the the company of  other caravanners, who appear to be growing rapidly in  numbers.

A spokesman for the National Caravan Council, once seen as a moderate organisation has refused to condemn terrorist activities such as blockading all routes to Cornwall on bank holidays and wearing socks with sandals.

“We will not rest until everybody either owns or rents out a caravan to go on holiday” he told us.

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