Ed Miliband to step down as Labour leader

ed resigns

Ed Miliband is to step down as Labour leader with immediate effect, in what is seen by many as a last ditch attempt to see if Labour can win the next General election, without needing to form a coalition with the one surviving Lib Dem MP.

A labour party source told us “If he’s managed to get firmly beaten in the polls by the Bullingdon club top hat wearing, disabled people bashing, NHS destroying, poor people mugging UKIP sympathisers, then we definitely backed the wrong horse. People would rather put their own genitals in a food processor than have him as Prime Minister. We might has well have elected Dave Lee Travis as party leader.”

Shadow Business secretary Chuka Ummunna who announced Mr Miliband’s resignation and also announced that he will be standing to fill the vacant postiion told us “I think he’s resigned anyway. I have certainly had no correspondence with him in which he has emphatically stated that he hasn’t resigned.”

Brother and confidant David Miliband told us that his brother had often been the target of over-harsh scrutiny from the media.  “He’s had a hard time from the press, and whilst they may be right in saying that he is not Prime Minister material, he has done more for ladder safety than any other labour leader in the last 20 years.” he explained.

It’s thought Mr Miliband may now leave politics completely, sources close to him indicating that he is keen to commence  a career as a hopi ear candle therapist or a life coach.

A conservative party spokesman has told us that party leaders are “absolutely gutted” at his departure.

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