The BBC has confirmed today that former A-team star Mr T will be the latest in a long line of celebrities to join the cast of hit soap opera Eastenders.
An spokesman for the long running soap told us “Phil Mitchell’s used to being the hard man of the square. But the moment Mr T arrives on the square he locks himself in Phil’s garage for four hours and comes crashing through the doors in a makeshift tank that he’s manufactured from the other cars in the lock up. Then he drives it over Phil’s face. It’s edge of your seat drama.”
Queen Vic landlord Danny Dyer told us that the onset of the new face had done his nut in. ” It’s a bit naughty this reality TV. I was told it was like Big Brother except I have to run a pretend pub with cockney chit chat but no swearing. Now that Mr T geyser’s turned up it halfway through the series it feels like it’s all been scripted. I hope someone tells me how long I have to carry on living here before they tell me if I’ve won.”
However shoot outs and car crashes where no-one gets killed or particularly hurt will only be one side to the new edgier format to the soap. Mr T will also show his softer side as Dot Branning’s lodger where despite referring to her as a “crazy God bothering fool” in every episode, the two will become firm friends with Mr T helping get rid of 1980s American gangsters who have taken over her church.
Executive Producer for the show Dominic Treadwell-Collins told us that the introduction of Mr T could be the change of direction that viewers have been waiting for
“It can’t make it a bigger pile of bollocks than it already is.” He explained.
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