Fox News employs battery powered talking anus as anchorman

anus fox news

Fox news have employed a talking anus as their new anchorman who is capable of reporting his own unusual brand of news 24 hours a day due to being powered by a car battery.

A spokesman for the factually challenged, far right, gun toting, news station told us that the electrically powered talking arse had absolutely smashed it in auditions and looked likely to replace not just one, but all existing newsreaders.

“He’s perfect. He’s not interested in being a celebrity, he just wants to be plugged in and put in front of a camera where he can be left unattended to produce all manner of excrement literal and verbal just going on indefinitely like a hates speak version of the rabbit in the battery adverts.” They told us.

Due to the new anchorman’s unusual anatomy there is no room for anything to actually enter his system, be that food, drink, rational thought or actual facts, so instead of conventional sustenance, he is powered by a large car battery.

One regular viewer told us that the station had already beaten many other media agencies to some startling revelations.”Apparently we need more guns to reduce gun crime, Israel have done nothing wrong and Birmingham England is a no go area for non-Muslims. The battery powered talking arse has spoken. All hail Fox news!”

The change in personnel comes at the same time as British publication the Daily Mail has sacked many of it’s columnists in favour of a a giant article writing bollock. That runs off the mains.

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