People of Stoke to decide which twat to vote for

The people of Stoke are shortly to decide whether to vote in a monumental twat or just a bit of a twat as their MP in the forthcoming by-election.

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has faced sharp criticism after lying about losing close friends during the Hillsborough disaster. To date no-one has disputed his additional claims of losing friends in World War One or during true events of 1879 that inspired the film “Zulu Dawn”

The accusations come alongside reports that the Labour candidate Gareth Snell insulted panellists on ITV’s Loose Women calling them “Minge faced harridans and filthy pouting monkey faced gorgons.”

“I’m sorry for any comments that were taken out of turn. But I’m not really sorry and I still mean it. They’re bitter, twisted and hairy.” He told us off the record.

The comments are seen as a leveller for a by-election that isn’t seen as a barometer for the rest of the country but will do for some news for the time being.

BBC political editor Laura Kuennssberg told us “Half the population of Stoke are unemployed and as a result spend all their time watching daytime television. They worship the panellists of Loose Women like Godessess. Nothing short of Jeremy Corbyn appearing on their show and pretending to find them interesting will woo back the voters now.”