The British Broadcasting Corporation have been forced to apologise this morning to disgruntled pensioner Edna Onions who has complained that the entire cast of every programme, drama or news item has resorted to mumbling, leaving it impossible to decipher a single word that is being said.
“I think it’s disgraceful. People on television used to speak so clearly. Now they just mutter. Even if you watch old films where they used to speak plainly they’ve started mumbling now. And so do all young people and quite a few of my friends. If they all spoke loudly and clearly like that nice Jeremy Kyle, then we wouldn’t have any difficulties.”
One actor we spoke to told us “It’s terrible. I hate mumbling. But unfortunately the older Mrs Onions becomes, the more I mumble. Even whilst talking to you now I’m losing my ability to articulate. EEwah woowah.”
The BBCs Director General Tony Hall has vowed to end mumbling throughout the organisation. “If we can just persuade Mrs Onions to wear her hearing aids, then we have reason to believe that everyone will articulate correctly. Should that be the case, nobody else will have any difficulty keeping up, even with music in the background.”
Mrs Onions has given the strongest signs yet that she may be prepared to wear her hearing aids after all “I’ll wear them if I need them. Which I don’t because I can just turn the TV up to maximum. And they still mumble. And then the adverts come on and they’re too loud. It makes you wonder what you paid your license fee for.”
News Toad 
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