Britain to import scary foreign police chiefs

Britain is set to abolish the rule whereby every Police Officer must start at the bottom and work their way up, in order to give all senior positions to promising graduates, experienced managers from other sectors and mad as biscuits foreign police chiefs.

Home Secretary Theresa May has frequently argued that a move away from Senior Police wasting their time gaining experience as front line Police Officers is essential in order to offer an up to date service. “Our present Police chiefs are becoming a bit dull, and half of them didn’t even vote Conservative.  That’s why from now on every police station is going to have a Superintendent with an accent, a shooter and a flip top head. It’s just the morale boost that Officers on the front line need.They might snort cocaine, wave their guns about a lot and lock people up on a whim but you don’t have to pay them much as they’re used to supplementing their income with bribes. ”

Indeed some prospective senior Police Officers have left behind crime rates of 0% thanks to a zero tolerance policy of hitting people over the head with a stick and asking all local residents for weekly cash payments. One new Superintendent, who had recently moved from a similar role in West Africa, was busy alternating between laughing wildly and cold sinister silences when we spoke to him. “Do you have a problem with my appointment?  I will invite you into my office to discuss it further.” he explained.