Don’t worry about climate change. It’s all going to be fine.

climate change

A man on the television has today told members of the public that rather than the world heading straight for an environmental apocalypse, it’s actually all going to be fine.

Speaking to housewives, the long term unemployed and people taking a crafty sickie, under the guise of a conversation with Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby he said “Everything’s going to be alright. The world is said to be heating up at an alarming rate with potentially catastrophic results but I don’t necessarily agree. And I’ve got a very confident sounding voice and a smart suit on.

“OK a few men in white coats have predicted famine, droughts, floods, but I like to think of my glass as half full. Something will come up. It always does.

“Obviously we can all do our bit by turning the car engine off when we’re not actually sitting in it and keeping use of air fresheners outside down to a minimum. But don’t feel guilty about having the heating on and the windows open because everything is going to be OK.”

Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs Owen Paterson has welcomed the news.”Thankfully people are starting to see sense and realise that the widespread flooding throughout Britain this winter wasn’t down to global warming. It was caused by rain.

“I can get back to garotting badgers now.”

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