Fans throughout the western world are today looking for a new band to follow and get all excited about after rumours that the band One Direction may or may not have come to a sorry demise, if they had been on a plane and that plane had unfortunately crashed.
One tearful fan told us “We don’t know if they were on a plane, but if they were, statistically it’s the safest mode of travel so it’s unlikely that it would have crashed. However, if it had crashed then it would be highly unlikely that they would survive. So all we can do is pray.”
One Direction star Harry Styles told us “I haven’t been on a plane in the last few days but I’m really going to miss the others if they’ve been on a plane and it crashed. I suppose I’ll have to start a solo career if I haven’t already. Or if it was me on the plane then the rest are just going to have to press on without me.”
Middle aged former boy band members Gary Barlow and Ronan Keating were some of the first to issue their condolences and issued a joint statement. “We don’t know if One Direction were on a plane or if it crashed, but if they were and it did, it would be terrible news as they wouldn’t be able to follow in our footsteps of appearing continually on our television screens well into their forties and never ever fucking off.”
In other news, the Eurovision song contest is on this week-end.