Gary Barlow in dock for mis-selling Take That songs


A recent life time achievement award from the music industry has been sadly marred by revelations that Gary Barlow conspired to sell Take That songs to members of the public in a misleading fashion. Songs that they neither wanted nor needed.

The right wing tax evading 1990s crooner was unavailable for comment today as charges mounted that he had set up a system whereby an unsuspecting customer would seek to buy a song that they liked, and end up with a complicated musical product known as an “album”. This would often contain “fillers” that would never have been bought otherwise.

Dave Bucket is one of the many members of the public who feel that they have been duped. He told us “I still had that ‘relight my fire’ going round in my head after 20 years, so I went to HMV to buy it. The assistant seemed nice enough, but the next thing I knew I was eight quid lighter having signed up for the whole album, including that ‘everything changes’ song which I can’t bloody stand! I now feel very vulnerable and just don’t know who to trust.”

Claims direct are thought to have set up a hotline for the crisis. The extent of the compensation and fines are unknown, but thought to be minimal, as according to his accountant, Mr Barlow earns only the minimum wage.

Things seem to be moving from bad to worse for the Barlow camp. It has only been a matter of weeks since “Toboggangate” when he was photographed in a gold sledge, tobogganing down a large mountain of public cash, along with George Osborne, Jimmy Carr, Bob Diamond and Fred Goodwin.

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