Top 100 UK billionaires “bound to share it out sooner or later”

Britain’s poorest families have today received a welcome boost to their spirits amidst benefit cuts and food banks at breaking point, as the new Sunday Times rich list published today shows that there’s actually enough money for everybody. Surely it has been argued, none of them would want to keep such an obscene amount of cash all to themselves.

One less than affluent Londoner told us of his joy at the likely imminent windfall.

“Obviously these people like to have their luxuries and they have every right to swank around looking like Johnny big potatoes. But with a combined wealth of £301,000,000, 000  each billionaire would still be able to lift a few thousand people out of poverty, and still be able to afford to sleep in a bed made of smoked salmon, wear a huge top hat and rectally insert a diamond the size of a cricket ball. Then, after they’ve bought a couple of houses and a diamond encrusted Fiat Punto, surely they would want to share some of the money left over.”

Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Prime Minister David Cameron said “Look, we have more billionaires in London than any other city in the world. We should be proud of that. If we ruin it by asking them to give some of it out to people who maybe don’t have enough to eat then they’ll leave and go somewhere else. And then where will we be?”

In other shock news singer Gary Barlow will be appealing against a likely tax bill. “I shouldn’t have to pay anything. I’m special”  he explained.