Do you like icebergs? Cacti? Foreign languages? Paté? Well emigrating may well be the answer according to a new Government think tank who are recommending a drive to lessen net immigration figures, by asking indigenous Brits to move out for a while to make a little more room.
Home secretary Theresa May explained “We can’t stop people coming in to the country because we’re making huge cuts to border controls, so the best thing we can do is send some of the locals packing. All they do is moan anyway.
“Obviously nothing will be compulsory, but every public spirited Englishman should ask himself ‘Do I really need to be here? Could someone from abroad do my job more efficiently, make my house look nicer and then cook people better food?’
“We realise that there are families that have lived in Britain for generation after generation spanning hundreds of years. So it’s only fair that they move on and let someone else have a go.”
This apparent change of Government direction has had a surprise supporter in UKIP leader Nigel Farage who told us: “I was against the idea at first but then it occurred to me that if we are going to be truly independent from Europe as then we need to import highly skilled professionals from around the globe and get rid of a lot of the dead wood from over here. We all know British people don’t work very hard. So we if can pop them on a boat somewhere and replace them with brand spanking new and improved British people from sunnier climes it has to be a bonus.
“We’ve spent years telling them to go back to their own country but if they’re more qualified and harder working it makes perfect sense that we go back to their own country instead.”
1970s comedian Jim Davidson has gone on record to say that he will leave the country in protest at any moves to persuade him to leave the country.
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