Northern Comedians sent to cheer up Islamic state

northern comedians

Britain is to send a crack team of 1970s northern comedians to Iraq and Syria in an attempt to cheer up members of extremist military organisation Islamic State as part of a series of  measures announced by the Government this morning.

Speaking at a heaving press conference Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond said “They do seem to get their knickers in a twist about things, and they could definitely do with finding a new way to unwind other than ritually executing infidels. So we’re going to try and help them through the gift of laughter. We’re not sure they’re quite ready for Frankie Boyle yet, but a classic 1970s northern club comedian who can entertain them with misogynistic  one liners whilst they sup a few pale ales has got to be a winner.”

The first consignment of northern comics from the past is thought to include household names such Bernard manning, Little and Large, and magician Ali Bongo. Stand up comedian and former Bulls Eye presenter Jim Bowen who will also be performing told us that he would be treating this as just another gig and all in a night’s work.

“I’ve got a few jokes planned but I’ll decide my set properly on the night. You’ve got to read the crowd in this game. I’ll probably start by telling them that the reason they’re all so angry is because they’ve all turned up wearing the same outfit. That should break the ice.” he explained.

“They might behead me but it’ll be no worse than an afternoon with the mother in law”  he added.

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