Salmond promises a free beaver to every Scotsman

beaver

Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond has built on his lead from yesterday’s shouty debate with Alistair Darling by guaranteeing a free beaver for every Scotsman the moment Scotland achieves independence.

Speaking at yet another press conference Mr Salmond said “We’re sick of restrictions to public policy set by Westminster. We’ve done the maths and every man, woman and child in Scotland will receive a free furry North American dam building mammal. This will be non-means tested.”

The move seen as breaking the mould of a distrusted political model is thought to be widely popular, particularly amongst undecided voters. However No campaign spokesman and former Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling has accused the Scottish first Minister of fictitious accounting.

“He’s relying on oil revenues to pay for the 5.3 million beavers. These are the same oil revenues that he was going to use to offer every Scotsman an extra hour in bed in the mornings and the same oil revenues he was going to use to subsidise bear ham for all Scottish households.”

Despite that confident rebuke, Mr Darling had appeared floored by yesterday’s question from a member of the audience at Kelvingrove museum who asked “If we’re better together, where’s my beaver?” which enjoyed rapturous applause from the audience.

In other news, Westminster looks set to make a number of compromises in the event of a no vote, including half a beaver for every Scotsman.

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