Britain’s Supermarkets apart from Iceland have told shareholders to stay calm at the news that ancient foraging laws mean they are unable legally to charge for fruit, meat or vegetables on the proviso that they could have been picked, dug up or hunted in Britain.
A spokesman for the National Association of foragers told us “Most of our members will still spend most of their time hanging around in woods, but it’s comforting to know that on occasions that they can’t be bothered or it’s raining, all the loose unpackaged products in supermarkets can still be legally foraged for free. As long as they carry a wicker basket and only pick up food they plan to eat that evening.”
Indeed one forager who had just left Waitrose told us “I’ve just foraged berries, potatoes and a joint of pork, all free as I could have picked it myself in the countryside. If I hadn’t also had to pay £140 for a baguette and a newspaper, I’d have been quids in.”
A spokesman for supermarket giant Tesco explained that the company would still expect to be making a profit charging for their best selling chopped and shaped chicken derivative miscellaneous shapes. And bear ham.
“And home insurance. Lets’ see the bastards try foraging that.” they told us off the record.
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