Prince Andrew never did anything with anyone ever for any money while nobody watched

Princely Andrew

Buckingham Palace have confirmed this evening that at no time did Prince Andrew do anything with anyone ever for any money while nobody or anybody watched.

A spokesman for the Palace read out the following statement: “There’s been a lot of speculation that Prince Andrew might have done something or other with someone for money or not at some point in time, whilst somebody or nobody else was in attendance. Well, we can confirm that nothing could be further from the truth and in actual fact he didn’t. He hasn’t done anything. And we’d be the first to tell you if he had.”

One loyal subject told us “I can vouch for him. I’ve never seen him do anything.”

Prime Minister David Cameron said “We hope that draws a line under the whole thing.”

The accusations, whatever they might be, have come at the end of a tempestuous year for the Royals. Over the last year the social media website Twitter has been awash with claims that the hapless Royal paid to have sex with himself. During this period the Prince is quoted as ordering his courtiers to turn off the internet.

The accusations could not come at a worse time for Prince Andrew as in June 2015 the British public hold the next elections for the position of Prince Andrew.

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