Putin “Peppa pig to blame for Ukraine crisis”

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin has today laid the blame of the Ukraine crisis very firmly at the doors of the cartoon character Peppa Pig.

In his toughest rhetoric yet on the matter Mr Putin said “Nobody wants peace more than I do. But whilst a family of talking cartoon pigs live in a house on top of a hill and spend their spare time provocatively jumping in puddles we have no choice but to assist the Russian speaking rebels that are speaking Russian because they are actually us. But I can assure you that they aren’t us. And not that we are actually assisting them either.

“And the Ukrainian people are very pleased that we are there even though we’re not. But if we were they would be saying to us ‘Unless you come and liberate us we will spend all our time watching Peppa Pig and jumping around in puddles. Please invade us and impose state controlled media which will only show a small selection of cartoon characters vetted personally by yourself.’

“Now would anyone like a cup of tea?”

A spokesman for Peppa Pig productions was unavailable for comment.

A spokesman for the kremlin told us “This is hardly surprising given the trouble they’re causing”