Representatives of Nestlé and Coca-Cola are at loggerheads today as both laid claim to all the water apparently found on Mars, each arguing that they had bagsied it first.
Nestlé chairman Peter Brabeck-Letmathe said “Now Mars has been shown to have water then it could conceivably sustain primitive subaquatic life forms. And if these basic fish think they can swim around in my water, drinking it and pissing in it then they can think again. Either they pay up or they piss off somewhere else”
Coca-Cola CEO Muhtar Kent blasted Nestlé’s plans announcing that it had already begun to send rockets over to Mars carrying the nuts and bolts for a new bottling plant.
“If there is life on Mars then whatever form that life might take deserves much better than free water. They deserve a life style emblazoned with a fiercely protected brand logo. So they can join hands and build a better world for everyone through an expensive sugar laden carbonated drink that contains phosphoric acid. They’ll properly be able to live the dream.”
Though a phenomenal legal battle is anticipated, both companies have assured critics that no Martians will ever be stuck for something to drink, providing they have financial means to make a nominal payment. Rising to a huge payment once they have the market by the balls.
“It’s an exciting wonderful opportunity for more year on year growth” One executive told us.